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Chris and Ted’s Excellent Adventure: Week 1

Each week Ted and I will be picking the winners of every Top 25 game. At the end of the year the loser will have to donate $500 to a charity of the winner’s choice and do something gross or embarrassing i.e. – wear white after Labor Day or go to a Donald Trump rally.

So, let’s get the 2015 season underway y’all!

Top 25 College Football picks for week 1
#1 Ohio State Vs Virginia Tech

Ted: Ohio State. They are the number 1 team and still don’t know who their quarterback is going to be, that’s how good this team is. Yikes!

Chris: Ohio State plays their first of what is a glorified 3 game schedule this year. They’ll win, and the media coverage of their quarterback battle will continue to be lamer than the left side of Frank Beamer’s face.

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#2 TCU Vs Minnesota
Ted: TCU.

Chris: TCU. Can’t wait to see how ESPN tries to sell this as a potential upset. This game is like that movie Castaway. It’ll be interesting for 5 minutes and boring as shit for 3 hours.

#20 Wisconsin Vs #3 Alabama
Ted: Alabama. I don’t want to piss my partner off by not picking them.

Chris: I’m not sold on Alabama yet, but this is a perfect game for them. Wisky is a one dimensional offense, and will be running into the best front 7 in all of college football. Pardon the pun, but they’ll see about as much successful penetration as a pledge with whiskey dick.

#4 Baylor Vs. SMU
Ted:Baylor.

Chris: Shawn Oakman/ Baylor.

Oakman

#5 Michigan St. Vs Western Michigan
Ted: Michigan St wins this game handily and will start their run for a Big 10 championship.

Chris: MSU. This game and Kid Rock are the top 2 reasons I hate that state that looks like a hand.

Louisville Vs #6 Auburn
Ted: Picking Auburn because I know how to pronounce it correctly.

Chris: Auburn. Bobby Petrino is 10-0 in openers. He’ll be 10-1 after Saturday. My main question is whether he’ll stay for the entire game or just quit and run out of the Georgia Dome unannounced like he did as the Falcons head coach.

Eastern Washington Vs. #7 Oregon
Ted: Oregon. Vernon Adams plays his old school and will destroy them for making him to do bullshit homework for years. Fuck you science teacher.

Chris: Ditto. I hate Science.

Arkansas State Vs.#8 USC
Ted: USC. Did y’all know that Arkansas had more than one university?

Chris: USC will be up 50 at the half. After which Sarkisian will leave the game and head to the local Hooters, and get shit faced with an 8 in nursing school that he’ll pressure into stealing prescription drugs for him. Also, Ted for the win with that comment haha.

Southern California head coach Steve Sarkisian speaks to reporters during NCAA college Pac-12 Football Media Days, Friday, July 31, 2015, in Burbank, Calif. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Louisana Monroe Vs #9 Georgia
Ted: You can’t teach a new dog old tricks so UGA will win for a few weeks to give their fanbase hope for a title only to let them down half way through the season.

Chris: UGA. Saturday in Athens gives me a (Nick) Chubb.

Texas State Vs. #10 Florida State
Ted: Florida State.

Chris: FSU will beat this team like their mascot is a woman…

Texas Vs. #11 Notre Dame
Ted: Texas. Just cause FUCK Notre Dame. Can they just lose every game this year and make everyone happy besides Mike Golic??

Chris: ND. I hate most things Catholic, but the last time I saw Texas they put up 29 yards of offense through 3 quarters of football.

Wofford Vs #12 Clemson
Ted: Clemson.

Chris: Clemson. Also, this is why nobody takes you seriously. Because your coach yells at cops for speeding tickets and your home opener is against a team called the Terriers.

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Virginia Vs #13 UCLA
Ted: UCLA.

Chris: UCLA.

McNeese State Vs #14 LSU
Ted: LSU. This is their year to win the SEC West. I’m just kidding Les Miles will fuck that up for them…again.

Chris: LSU.

#15 Arizona St Vs Texas A&M
Ted: Arizona St.

Chris: A&M. Sleeper team in the country in my opinion. Tons of talent, and John Chavis should turn their defense around. Honestly don’t think this ends up being close.

Alcorn St Vs. #16 Georgia Tech
Ted:I know all 50 states and I’ve never heard of Alcorn State so I’m clearly going to have to pick Georgia Tech.

Chris: Georgia Tech. If you love the triple option and HBCU’s then this is the game for you…Also, you’ll probably hate this blog.

drumline

Tennessee-Martin Vs #17 Ole Miss
Ted: Ole Miss wins and makes things very interesting in the SEC.

Chris: Ole Miss wins. I don’t know what the fuck Ted is talking about though.

UTEP Vs #18 Arkansas
Ted: Arkansas.

Chris: Arkansas.

Akron Vs #19 Oklahoma
Ted: Oklahoma. I can’t pick two teams to win from Ohio in one week.

Chris: Oklahoma.

#21 Stanford Vs. Northwestern
Ted: They are in Illinois and called Northwestern, they are clearly not smart enough to beat Stanford.

Chris: Stanford. Bonus pick. Every player for these teams will be more successful than me. Fucking nerds.

robert.carradine.revenge.of.the.nerds

Texas San Antonio Vs. #22 Arizona
Ted: Arizona. This game is a joke.

Chris: ‘Zona, and I agree with Ted.

Washington Vs. #23 Boise St
Ted: Washington wins this in a squeaker.

Chris: Boise St.

Southeast Missouri St Vs #24 Missouri
Ted: Missouri. It’s always sad to watch a smaller state school play the big state school.

Chris: MIZ…ZOU!

Bowling Green Vs. #25 Tennessee
Ted: The likelihood of me spelling Tennessee right on the first try is more likely than Bowling Green winning this game.

Chris: Tennessee. BGSU has the same chance of winning this game as UT QB Josh Dobbs has of growing eyebrows.

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Bonus SEC Picks from Chris

South Carolina vs. North Carolina

I’ll take USC, and they’ll cover the 2 point spread. Afterwards Spurrier will crush roughly 29388483 Coors banquet beers and yell into a pillow about why he ever left Florida.

Western Kentucky vs. Vanderbilt

Western Kentucky. Vanderbilt is the worst. They opened as a 17 point favorite in this game and are now somehow a 1.5 point underdog. I think the Hilltoppers cover the spread and embarrass the Dores more than they already embarrass themselves.

UGA (-36) vs. La Monroe – UGA 45 ULM 10

Arkansas (-33) vs. UTEP – Arkansas 48 UTEP 14

Ole Miss (-41) vs. UT Martin – Ole Miss 54 UT Martin 10

Auburn (-10.5) vs, Louisville – Auburn 38 Louisville 21

Tennessee (-21.5) vs. Bowling Green – Tennessee 44 BGSU 20

Kentucky (-17) vs. UL-Lafayette – UK 35 ULL 20

Florida (-35.5) vs. New Mexico St – UF 51 NMSU 13

Texas A&M (-3.5) vs. Arizona St – A&M 41 ASU 34

Alabama (-14) vs. Wisonsin – Alabama 31 Wisconsin 10

Miss. St. (-20.5) vs. Southern Miss – MSU 44 USM 17

 

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