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Super Tuesday: Why I Didn’t Vote

Super Tuesday is usually the first, and most significant, test to determine the legitimacy of each presidential candidate. Basically we get to find out who the American people gave their rose to in the semifinal round of this year’s version of the Presidential Bachelor/ Bachelorette. Millions of Americans in 12 different states showed up to the polls to make their vote count yesterday.

I did not.

Before you get your patriotic panties in a wad please allow me to explain. First off, I totally understand that the right to vote IS a privilege.

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I mean the ideologies of this country were forged upon rebellious movements against politically corrupt institutions like monarchial entitlement and taxation without representation (High five to big words!). The right to vote IS something that no citizen in this country should take for granted. The inception of this country, and its democracy, stemmed from valiant people who were uncompromising in their beliefs that the decisions affecting this country shouldn’t be held in the chambers of a white-wigged parliament 3,000 miles away but in the courts of crusaders and patriots who believed in enfranchising the masses.

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That being said, 240 years after our independence I am left asking myself – What in the literal fuck happened? The candidates, the debates, and the entire process has become, excuse my language – a fucking joke. The nominees aren’t heroes held in high esteem anymore as much as they are a fraternity of political puppets with the charm and facade of a used car salesman lobbying for your ignorant confusion to turn a vote into another paycheck or notch on their belt of agenda and bullshit.

I mean look at this year’s main candidates…
It’s a grab bag of side circus acts built on stereotypes and shortsightedness.

Hillary Clinton – the Democratic frontrunner with a pedigree of experience being the former first lady and an Obama cabinet member. However, her foreign policy debacles and personal emails have somehow made her less trustworthy than her husband who literally fingered an intern with a cigar in the Oval Office. She is an entitled beneficiary capitalizing when the moment is right and people are weakest. She’s basically W with a pants suit and a better vocabulary.

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Bernie Sanders – The liberal senator from the Northeast who has run the most passionate and genuine campaign of anyone, Democrat or Republican, yet apparently doesn’t understand how money works. One of his biggest platforms is creating a system of free higher education. He’s a good dude, and means well. But, he’s like an 8 year old with a big imagination and no concept of money. Call me crazy but devaluing the education system is something that will lower our post-degree job opportunities and hiring standards almost as much as it increases our national deficit.

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Marco Rubio – a Cuban-American that champions himself as a “moderate” and looks like the (off) white knight the Republican party has been dreaming of to help secure the minority vote. So far he’s been the only Republican nominee to somewhat muzzle Trump, but this “moderate” is such an extremist on social issues that he declared abortion should have be outlawed with no exceptions and voted against LGBT adoption because he viewed it as protecting children from “a social experiment.”

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Donald Trump – Outside of Roseanne Barr and Mickey Mouse, Trump may be the most ridiculous candidate in American political history. Honestly the only candidate in the last 30 years who seemed like a more racially insensitive delusional sociopath is David Duke. AND HE JUST FUCKING ENDORSED TRUMP. He’s a bastion of pursed lips and chest beating, and his politics are basically nothing more than empty promises and exaggerated fishing stories. His greatest attribute is his financial success, yet he’s declared bankruptcy four separate times. And, his politics? Listening to Trump debate last week was like listening to a Black Club DJ – yelling a bunch repetitive words really loudly while he talked over what everyone else was trying to hear.

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So why would I vote? Bernie, Rubio, Hillary, and Trump? Those are shitty options. Like, if I went to a restaurant and the waiter featured me for things I didn’t want to eat I just wouldn’t eat there. I would leave. And, I’d expect you to leave if you didn’t REALLY like one of the options. Like if you were sold on the Pan-Seared Trout that’s fine. Get that.

But, if you weren’t sold on that and the only other options were:
– A soggy salad that lied about the caloric content,
– A steak that is overpriced and too well done, yet you had to share with everyone,
– A Reuben sandwich from an old recipe that looks good but hates the idea of progress
– And a can of cold Spaghettio’s that only spelled out racist shit…
THEN YOU WOULDN’T EAT THERE!

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So, why would I be judged because I didn’t wait in line at the local voting booth? Because I didn’t want to spend my Humpday Eve at the local fire station so the librarian with the coexist bumper stickers on her Subaru or the Republican reciting scripture from the Old Testament can pat me on the back about me “making my vote count” or doing my “civic duty” as they spend the rest of their day in disdain and anger towards anyone opposing their views?

Or am I being judged for lazily dismissing my constitutional rights and being afforded the right to vote? I’m not sure.

What I am sure of is that I have lived 29 years in this country. I have been blessed with freedoms and shelters from a harsh and cold world that foreign citizens have had to call reality.

And, even though I have been empowered with the privilege to vote – I am not ok with giving privileged people more power from my vote.

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