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Dad from Home Alone Yelps about The Plaza

We’re one week in to the month of December, and I desperately needed to get into the holiday spirit. So what did I do? I made a fake profile as the Dad from Home Alone and wrote an absolutely scathing Yelp review about the Plaza Hotel.

Duh.

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Literally one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. Will never stay here again.

A few Christmases ago our youngest son was separated from us at the airport and wound up in New York by himself. Scared, afraid, and ONLY 10 YEARS OLD he went to the only building in New York he’d ever heard of – The Plaza. During the airport mixup he somehow also wound up with my wallet. Not only did The Plaza allow him, AN UNACCOMPANIED MINOR, to purchase a room with my credit card, but they allowed him to stay in a suite that ended up costing me almost $1,000 in room service alone!

The staff and hospitality as a whole were terrible. If charging my Amex several thousand dollars wasn’t bad enough, they also had no regard for my son’s well being or safety. They allowed him to watch violent Rated-R movies (which are strictly forbidden in our household), AND fed him cheese pizza for breakfast and ice cream sundaes for dinner. How does a hotel of this prestige employ a concierge staff with this level of incompetence?

The head concierge, Mr. Hector, was the worst of all. Outside of my brother Frank I have never met an adult that dumb and that rude to children. This is the head concierge at “one of the best hotels in the world,” yet he wasn’t smart enough to let 10 year old dupe him with credit card fraud?! Even worse, once he finally realized that my son was by himself what did he do? ACCUSED HIM OF STEALING AND KICKED HIM OUT.

First off, what 10 year old white kid from the suburbs has ever done anything of this magnitude?! I’ll wait…

Exactly. He’s a 4th grader, and average (at best) student. Yet, Mr. Hector made him out to be a criminal mastermind because he can’t tell the difference between the sound of a tape recorder/ Talk Boy or tommy gun on VHS. 

So, now my son is running around New York, on Christmas Eve, in the cold, BY HIMSELF because not one of these idiot bellhops had the common sense to call the police. The concierge staff at The Plaza are what the French call “Les Incompetents.” My son was forced to hide in my brother Rob’s abandoned condo. If it weren’t for the friendship he made with the nice homeless lady with pet pigeons that he met in Central Park he may have wound up dead. 

And yes, that’s right. A PIGEON LADY WAS MORE HOSPITABLE THAN THE STAFF AT A SUPPOSED 5 STAR HOTEL.

This entire debacle led to a run-in with a couple of criminals that burglarized our home a few years prior. But, even they weren’t the worst part of our Christmas experience that year thanks to Mr. Hector and the staff at The Plaza. The two bandits were equally as dumb as the concierge staff which means they’ll probably be hired for valet when they’re out of jail. Woof.

Long story short, the staff were a bunch of filthy animals and trout sniffers, and the only thing I enjoyed during my stay was when my nephew Fuller had 14 Pepsi’s and pissed the sheets. Will definitely not be coming back.

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