It’s Saturday morning, so this is more of an effort to have written proof of my picks than anything else. I continued to crush the money line last week going 5-0. However, I also continued to swim in my giant pool of mediocrity against the spread going just 3-2. For the season I’m 56-14 SU and 25-32-1 ATS.
Also, shoutout to my partner in crime Tyler Huck who has gone 14-1 ATS over the past 3 weeks. If you haven’t been listening to the podcast then are you even a real college football fan?! I on the other hand have been 10-5 and lost over $200 combined on West Virginia-Baylor and NBA prop bets. So, there’s that.
Arkansas @ Ole Miss (-3.5)
Arkansas has fucked up more this season than a Parkinson’s patient doing a paint by number. Ole Miss gives up 470 ypg and is -5 in ppg differential.
Score – Arkansas 33 Ole Miss 31
Booze – Flaming Dr. Pepper. Because these defenses have been torched all year and the fire is appropriate even though there isn’t a dumpster involved.
Vandy @ South Carolina (-6.5)
The under is at 44. Bet the fuck out of the under. This game will be more unwatchable than your child’s Kindergarten Christmas pageant two months from now.
Score – Carolina 23 Vandy 13
Booze – Nalgene of Non-Alc. There will be less scoring this weekend in Columbia than during a purity pledge at a YoungLife retreat. So grab your favorite Nalgene bottle covered in REI bumper stickers and watch Will Muschamp dry hump the ‘Dores into submission.
Mizzou @ UConn
Mizzou is a 13.5 pt favorite on the road which is surprising because I didn’t know UConn had other sports besides Women’s basketball. The Fall foliage will literally be the best thing about this game. I’ll take Mizzou, but only because Maya Moore, Sue Bird, and Diana Turasi (don’t care if it’s misspelled move on) aren’t suiting up for the Huskies.
Score – Mizzou 45 Geno Auriema 31
Booze – Bud Light. Specifically 8 0z cans of Bud Light. Why? Because it’s the official beer of the WNBA. And, no that is not a joke. The only thing more embarrassing than watching someone drink a mini-can of Bud Light is watching the Dunk Contest at WNBA All-Star weekend.
Mississippi St (-2) @ Texas A&M
This feels like a trap that Mississippi State is favored on the road in College Station. But, if there’s anything I love it’s MSU QB Nick Fitzgerald AND that Fetty Wap song (Trap Queen) from 2 years ago which I’m still convinced is the only rap song white people know all of the words to besides the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song. I’ll take the bait Vegas.
Score – Miss St 28 Texas A&M 24
Booze – Remy 1738. Because that cyclops looking rap God from 2015 brings it up like 28393 times in “Trap Queen” and I’ve already committed this entire game write up around that theme. Sorry.
Tennessee @ Kentucky (-3.5)
In this week’s episode of “Rocky Bottom” Tennessee continues it’s season long attempt at exploring the depths of despair with a trip to Kentucky. If you thought not scoring an offensive TD since September 23rd was a new low well watch out! This week the Vols are a 3.5 point underdog to a team they have only lost to ONCE in 37 years. And, they lost their only good player on offense RB John Kelly because he resorted to medical marijuana to take away the pain of this season. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times…Tennessee is only good when they have a quarterback with no eye brows.
Score – Kentucky 27 Tennessee 21
Booze – Bathtub Gin. I don’t mean the traditional drink either. I mean Tennessee fans should just get Gin drunk in a bathtub. Grab a rubber ducky, a bottle of gin, and a toaster/ plugged in appliance and put yourself out of this misery for the love of God.
UGA (13.5) @ Florida
And, yes I meant to put @ and not vs because Jacksonville being a neutral site is about as believable as rumors of Jacob Eason staying in Athens next year. In regards to the game…
I know UGA always shits the bed against Florida. I know they’ve lost 14 of the last 20 and 21 of the last 27. I know they lost to Treon Harris in 2015, and I know that they’re 1-7 the last 8 times they’ve come into this game ranked in the top 10. It doesn’t matter. UGA is different now. This is a different team and different program. They are going to beat the brakes off of Florida.
If you want something more longwinded then here’s my FB post from yesterday…
Score – UGA 38-6
Booze – Das Boot. If you’ve seen Beerfest you get it. If you haven’t here’s a Cliff’s Notes – The cast of Super Troopers competes in a Beer Olympics featuring 90 minutes of movie time, 8 laughs, and 3 pairs of tits. Outside of a believable plot and storyline “Das Boot” was the toughest obstacle from this movie. Time and time again they would cruise through the other competitions only to blow it here. Well not today Satan. Officer Farva/ Landfill or whatever his character’s name is is about to lead the Dawgs to victory.
For everything else across the nation here’s our latest podcast from this week. Enjoy!