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In The Trenches: Week 4

I really do wish that I was on ol’ Rocky Top this past weekend. There wasn’t any smoggy smoke, certainly not from any pyrotechnics related to Tennessee, but alas telephone bills are now digital and even the moonshiners in the Tennessee hills need an iPhone to take orders ‘n such.

I scared the shit out of the dog for the first time this football season. It happened when Cece Jefferson made the tackle for a safety, putting the first of a handful of nails in the Tennessee coffin. I had to give him a Kong of peanut butter to get him to chill. Then Florida scored again, making the score 23-3 and I couldn’t stop laughing the tune of Rocky Top. I literally got jewelry from my wife on Saturday and I STILL was happier watch the game.

That’s what football does for us. It brings us to the highest of Heave To Cleave highs and the lowest of Kick Six lows. To get that full experience, you really have to go through the lows to appreciate the highs. I’m existentially self aware. I know as a Florida fan I was a spoiled little shit for the Steve Spurrier and Urban Meyer years. I thought the Zook era was the lowest Florida could go. Boy was I wrong.

I guess my point is that in order to appreciate that highest point, a win like my team and many others had on Saturday, you also have to appreciate those lows. If you’re team sucks this year, have patience. Things will get better. Except for Vandy and Arkansas. That may never happen.

Lets recap the weekend!

Florida vs Tennessee (47-21)

Tennesse looked bad. There’s no question about that. I don’t know when the SEC is going to learn that just because you stood next to Nick Saban for 10 minutes doesn’t mean you can capture his mojo like Dr. Evil did to Austin Powers that one time. It didn’t work with Muschamp or McElwain. Kirby Smart is working out at UGA, but let’s see what’s going on in year 4 before declaring him a great success. Then the team is wholly his. The same thing for Bill Belicheck in the NFL. Name one of his assistants that wasn’t and abject failure.

UGA vs Mizzou (43-29)

For all the bitching Kirby did on the sidelines, you’d have thought UGA was losing. This game had TRAP written all over it, like that pink house in Atlanta a couple of years back. Kudos to the Dawgs for not falling victim to that UGA syndrome of a couple years ago. Now if they could only hold onto the ball heading into the endzone.

Alabama vs Texas A&M (45-23)

We get it Alabama. You’re good. aTm has its moments and chances to keep it close, but Tua continues to light up the stat sheet. Saban, like Smart, went ballistic on the sidelines as the two-headed Harris backfield failed to impose its will like he wanted in the third quarter. Is this a chink in the armor that we’re all hoping exists? Doubtful, but that LSU game is looking a lot more interesting.

Kentucky vs Mississippi State (28-7)

The Wildcats are for real guys. It may not feel like hell froze over, but Lexington is parrying like it’s 2007, the last time UK had this kind of Football team. Benny Snell continues to tear it up on the ground, and now suddenly I’m not feeling so bad about my Gators dropping one to the fattest Stoop brother.

Tiger Woods vs the field (Who cares, he won)

Look, I try not to get political about things, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that there was no greater concentration of affluent white republican males in the city of Atlanta than at East Lake. The scene at the 18th green on Sunday was the stuff of movies. I’ve never seen anything like it, and it was all because Tiger f***ing Woods was about to win his 80th tournament and his first in 5 years. If you want to say that there’s still horrible racism in this world, I won’t argue with you, but I will use this Sunday as proof that it’s not so cut and dry as one might think.

Thus ends the one time I’m going to touch a racial topic with a 50 foot pole. This weeks slate of games doesn’t seem to be shaping up to be amazing, but with Mullen’s return to Stark-Vegas and Kentucky’s continued domination of South Carolina at stake, there may be some fireworks. I don’t see Tennessee putting up a fight on the road against UGA. If the games suck, there will always be something riff on. Until next week!

-Bobby Burchins

About Bobby Burchins (10 Articles)
I'm a cynical man who loves his wife, his dog, Atlanta sports teams and the Florida Gators. I like to nitpick Disney World as a hobby, and you can find my musings at You can expect the same amount of coverage as if I were told to cover Julio Jones, which is to say not great. But what I lack in accuracy I make up for with jokes and bitterness!

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