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About Ted


I’m a 30 year old habitually single bartender. I basically only eat fried chicken and bbq because a) I’m an adult and b) fuck Crossfit. What else? I love America and Oregon football more than any person in my life. I have a beard that’s longer than a Judd Apatow movie, and 98% of my wardrobe involves sandals and Cardigans. Basically I look like a fashion forward Civil War general, or the only gay member of The Sons of Anarchy. I’m from the West/ Best coast, but I now live in Atlanta. I love Fireball, the 49ers, T Swift love songs, and I believe that Marcus Mariotta is a tan angel that is the best thing to come from Hawaii since that Saved By The Bell movie.

I’m a daydream dressed as a nightmare.

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